Passive aggression: what it is and how to resist it. Hidden aggression. Passive-aggressive behavior

Passive-aggressive personality disorder is a condition in which people express anger and negative feelings covertly through their actions instead of directly taking out aggression on others. It is characterized by a tendency towards obstructionism, constant procrastination, stubbornness, feigned forgetfulness and deliberate inefficiency in all matters. People with a passive-aggressive personality type constantly complain about everything, are in a depressed state, actively express their pessimistic attitude and are unyielding in everything. Very often they try to realize themselves in dependent relationships, finding satisfaction in opposing all the partner’s attempts to achieve adequate performance, productive independent work, equivalent returns in household chores, etc.

When was passive-aggressive personality disorder first diagnosed?

It was first described as a clinical case by Colonel William Menninger during World War II. He noted a peculiar deviation in some men that undermined their military fitness. Menninger pointed out the behavior of the soldiers that was clearly defiant, but not contrary to direct orders. It was expressed by “passive resistance,” such as deliberate slowness, failure to understand orders, making mistakes, general inefficiency, and passive obstruction. The colonel himself did not identify the disorder as a separate ailment and explained it by “personal immaturity” and a reaction to military stress.

For the first time, the classification of passive-aggressive personality disorder as a separate group of disorders was discussed back in the 50s of the last century, and this problem was widely discussed in the late 80s and early 90s, when, thanks to the capabilities of the World Wide Web, the massive prevalence of such a disorder was noted. communication behavior of Internet users. And although not all emails, notes and messages with characteristic content indicate that their authors have this problem, sociological and clinical studies have shown that ~96-98% of individuals belonging to the passive-aggressive personality type implement their usual behavior and in network communication.

Causes of passive-aggressive personality disorder

According to most modern researchers, in most cases, the roots of the problem originate in childhood. Analysis of data from various groups of subjects, depending on age, gender, race, nationality and social status did not reveal a pronounced correlation and the indicator varied depending on the research methods used. At the same time, there is an unambiguous connection with a violation of the incentive system in early childhood. Most often this happens in dysfunctional families, where the child does not feel safe enough to freely express disappointment, anger and other feelings.

The same applies to overly conservative families, where the role of the dominant head of the family is clearly expressed and physical and psychological punishment is actively practiced. In such conditions, honest expression of feelings is prohibited, and children unknowingly learn to suppress and deny their emotions, using other channels to express resentment and disappointment. Not finding opportunities for natural release, the child over time begins to consider them the norm and in the process of growing up they become a kind of cliché by which a personality is formed.

Signs and main symptoms of passive-aggressive behavior

Individuals with passive-aggressive personality disorder are irritable or even agitated most of the time. They have a low tolerance for disappointment and mood swings that change in quick succession. Such people are impatient with others, and their interest in communicating properly is abruptly replaced by antipathy or boredom and complete ignorance.

With passive-aggressive disorder, people feel dissatisfied all the time, blame others for abuse and deceit, believe that they are underappreciated, and blame any failures on circumstances.

Individually, these signs may simply be character traits of a person and do not indicate a specific deviation, but together they often accurately indicate the problem. In particular, passive-aggressive disorder is indicated by the simultaneous presence of symptoms such as:

• constant resentment towards everyone;
• opposition to any demands of other people;
• postponing work until later to miss deadlines;
• slowness and making deliberate mistakes in any type of activity;
• a cynical, sullen, or hostile attitude toward everyone;
• frequent complaints from a person that he is betrayed, deceived and underestimated;
• unwillingness to solve your problems;
• complete rejection of criticism and cruel nitpicking in everyone who tries to give advice;
• envy and contempt towards all people who have power or are generally more successful.

If they are accompanied by self-doubt, the inability to express their needs and desires directly, as well as the person’s inability to ask the necessary questions to find out what is expected of him, then this is 99% likely to indicate the presence of this disorder.

Classification of passive-aggressive personality types

Since much attention has been paid to this problem in the last two decades, today a more or less accurate classification of “negativist” or “passive-aggressive” personality types has already been compiled. For example, the famous American psychologist Theodore Millon identified four separate subtypes of this disorder:

A detailed classification into categories, proposed by the American professor Preston Ni from the University of California, is also popular. His studies of interpersonal effectiveness, professional communication, as well as intercultural understanding and organizational change led him to focus on this issue. In total, he identifies ten general categories that people with passive-aggressive disorder fit into, and he believes that most exhibit at least a few of these on a regular basis.

1. General verbal hostility. Examples: spreading gossip; unfounded criticism of others; non-recognition of generally accepted rules and norms; condescending treatment of adults as if they were children.

What guides: Humiliating others helps you feel dominant. Inflicting moral suffering on others and depriving them of emotional balance is done to alleviate one's own lack of peace and security. The main desire is to support your false sense of importance by criticizing others and making everyone suffer “for the company.” In the family, this is expressed in the form of competition for power over household members and complete control in relationships.

1. Ridicule. Examples: sarcasm, hostile jokes towards others, a desire to tease people until they get angry. Characteristic feature is the need to humiliate a person as much as possible, avoiding open conflict and showdown, citing “just kidding.”

What guides: Taking out one's own hidden anger and discomfort on a suitable victim. The main desire is to marginalize someone else's human dignity and authority to one's own level.

1. General disguised hostility. Examples: demonstration of disdain and resentment towards people, sullenness, desire to cause emotional pain by reproaching or ignoring.

What guides: an attempt to compensate for one’s internal insecurity by deliberately creating a negative emotional background in the immediate environment and unbalancing people.

1. Psychological manipulation. Examples: duplicity, pathological tendency to intrigue, the desire to deliberately set a person up at any opportunity (for the sake of pleasure and often without any benefit for oneself), ostentatious sacrifice, twisting the same information in a conversation with different people, disclosure or concealment important facts depending on the situation. The characteristic feature is pretense and a strong desire to protect oneself from discovery.

What guides: redirecting attention away from one’s own problems through endless interference in someone else’s life through intrigue and deception. Achieving a false sense of superiority by manipulating other people.

1. Bullying. Examples: unfounded accusations against someone else with an attempt to find the most vulnerable place of the victim and cause her maximum mental pain.

What guides: achieving a false sense of happiness and self-worth against the backdrop of the suffering of others.

1. Sabotage and blaming others. Examples: ostentatious slowness, lethargy, forgetfulness, “dullness”; the desire to create maximum red tape around oneself and upset as many other people’s plans as possible. The need is pathological and forces a person to act even without any personal gain.

What guides: creating the illusion of self-importance and authority; the desire to put everyone in a position dependent on oneself in order to block the success of other people. Often experiences burning envy towards those who are more successful, which is expressed in unfounded accusations and harsh groundless criticism.

1. Automatic counteraction. Examples: stubborn intractability, rigidity, inefficiency, tendency to complicate everything, habit of leaving any task unfinished, attempts to sabotage the work of others.

What guides: compensation for one’s own insolvency. In this case, “victory” is achieved through the disappointment and negative emotions of the victim.

1. Behind-the-scenes sabotage. Examples: failure to complete any tasks, projects and events; causing material losses or allowing overexpenditure of resources; pathological sabotage; destruction of well-established work and personal connections of surrounding people; deliberate dissemination of harmful information.

What guides: obtaining moral satisfaction through revenge and “punishment” of other people; achieving emotional pleasure from observing the results of one’s “labor.”

1. Ostentatious sacrifice. Examples: exaggeration of importance personal questions; manipulation of one's own health; deliberately inventing imaginary problems in order to tie the victim to oneself and enjoy her sympathy and favor; taking on the role of a martyr who sacrificed his well-being for the sake of others (usually with the reproach that this sacrifice was not appreciated).

What guides: the desire to take advantage of the goodwill and care of the recipient and evoke a strong emotional attachment on his part in order to carry out manipulation.

1. Self-flagellation. Examples: deliberately creating a situation in which victim status could be achieved; groundless reproaches and reproaches; self-harm and suicide blackmail.

What guides: the desire to intimidate or cause suffering to emotionally dependent people by causing harm to oneself. Love of creating drama to focus attention around oneself.

However, according to the professor, the latter symptom itself cannot be considered as a separate symptom of the disorder, since it can also be a kind of cry for help, being evidence of other mental illnesses.

Treatment of Passive-Aggressive Personality Disorder

The difficulty in treating disorders of this group is that in most cases people are simply unable to obtain pleasure and moral satisfaction in other ways. Normal system incentives in in this case does not work, so the main program comes down to psychotherapy and psychoanalysis, during which the patient is taught to isolate “harmful” thoughts and stimuli for their conscious replacement with “useful” ones.

According to the results of clinical observations, the following set of automatic attitudes and thoughts are most often typical of passive-aggressive disorders:

• “they don’t dare tell me what to do”;
• “I will only do as I want”;
• “I will do everything to spite them”;
• “no one is grateful for the work I have done”;
• “everyone around is just using me”;
• “I will never be able to achieve real success”;
• “people don’t want to understand me”;
• “my life is unhappy, and nothing can be done about it”;
• “I won’t succeed anyway”;
• “being honest and frank is weakness”;
• “People around me want to limit and suppress my personality.”

The therapist finds out exactly what pathological thoughts and stimuli operate in a person on an “automatic” level and teaches him to consciously block them. The course of treatment, as a rule, lasts at least one year, and during this time the doctor and the patient go from the stage of awareness of the causes and consequences of such behavior to the development of methods of gentle confrontation. Best results can be achieved if the immediate environment also participates in the process and gently but decisively stops indulging the patient’s weaknesses, using the substitution patterns created by the therapist. In especially advanced cases, it is possible to eliminate acute symptoms (depression, anxiety, outbursts of anger) with medication, after which traditional therapy is carried out.

Prognosis and possible complications

In general, with adequate treatment, the prognosis is quite good. If a person has been able to open up and understand the causes of the problem, supportive psychotherapy usually brings excellent results. Of course, being established in early childhood, this personality disorder, as a rule, persists for a very long time. But with the patient’s constant volitional efforts to overcome it, it can “burn out” with therapy and be replaced by positive life experiences.

However, there is such a thing as individual tolerance, on which the success of the entire event greatly depends. Even if a positive result seems stable, a person may not fully accept new ideas and teeter on the edge. The “dominant thought basis” is too deeply ingrained in his personality, so even the slightest push is enough for such a person to fall back into a state of chaos and dissatisfaction. Often complications arise when there is an imaginary or real lack of stability in life. This applies to any area: social, professional, spiritual, legal, financial, etc. Complications can also arise when the patient weakens control over negative thoughts, and the immediate environment does not pay attention to this and indulges his behavior or, on the contrary, expresses strong opposition . After all, the key component of psychotherapy is precisely the gentle opposition to negative ideas.

Some people think that passive aggression is best way resolve conflicts. But that's not true. Not only does this tactic lead to enormous frustration, but it is also an incredibly counterproductive action on the part of the passive-aggressive person because he or she does not gain any real insight from it.

“And for the person who is the target of passive aggression, experiencing this type of treatment can make you feel crazy,” explains Scott Wetzler.

“At its core, this behavior is embellished hostility,” Wetzler explains. “So, for example, instead of directly denying your request, these people... indirectly do not do what you expect them to do.”

Passive-aggressive behavior, expressed in many ways, has the same root: it is based on fear and an attempt to avoid direct conflict, coupled with feelings of helplessness and powerlessness. Result? A silent power struggle that can be expressed in different ways, for example:

• Sarcasm

• Silence

• Avoiding direct contact

• Lack of praise

• Criticism

• Sabotage

• Lateness

• Failure to comply with a request

“Sometimes this passive-aggressive behavior is intentional because the passive-aggressive person wants the other to be the first to engage in conflict, but often the behavior is completely unintentional,” says California-based psychiatrist Andrea Brandt, MD, author of “ 8 Keys to Eliminating Passive-Aggressiveness and Mindful Anger: The Emotional Path To Freedom. “They find people who give them a boost,” Dr. Brandt explains. - They direct passive aggression to people who cannot give them an answer, and who are easily enraged."

Brandt believes that sometimes people are passive aggressive because of their upbringing. For example, people who grew up in a family where one parent is dominant over the other are more likely to be passive aggressive. “They learn that strong and unstable people cannot be approached directly, but they you can lie or keep things secret from them to get what you want, she explains. - For example, we all heard the following phrase in childhood: “We won’t tell this to your father.” It's passiveaggressive behavior."

While we all express passive aggression from time to time (just remember the last time you said “yes” when you meant “no”), there are some people who are more prone to this behavior. People who avoid or fear conflict are more likely to engage in passive-aggressive behavior, as are people with low self-esteem and self-confidence, “because you haven't been given permission to express your feelings, especially anger,” says Andrea Brandt.

What's the best way to communicate with a passive-aggressive person?

1. Call the behavior by its real name: hostility.“Recognizing and recognizing this behavior for what it really is means recognizing that it is a type of hostility and not being fooled by its harmlessness and subtlety,” advises Wetzler. “When you recognize it as a type of hostility, you have the opportunity to deal with it.”

The biggest mistake people make is that they are condescending. Once you give in to passive-aggressive behavior, you lose the ability to resist it: it is important to see that it is a power struggle and use typical fighting tactics.

2. Set limits and follow them."Clearly d Please understand that you will not tolerate such behavior» , says Wetzler. If a person is constantly late and it bothers you, let him or her know that the next time he or she is late to, say, a movie, you will just go alone. "It's a way of setting a limit," Wetzler explains. “It’s also a way of saying you’re not going to put up with this or back down.”

3. Speak specifically, not generally. If you are going to confront a passive-aggressive person, be clear about the problem. The danger of confrontation is that your statements may sound too general. For example, phrases such as “You always do this!” will get you nowhere. Therefore, it is important to talk to the person about a specific action. For example, if his silence begins to get on your nerves, explain it with a specific example where he remained silent, but for you it looked like a manifestation of hostility. “Call a spade a spade,” advises Wetzler.

4. Practicepositively-affirmative communication.« There is aggressive communication, there is passive communication, and there is passive-aggressive communication. None of these types of communication are positive» , says Andrea Brandt.

Positive-affirmative communication means that you respond in a positive, non-hostile, respectful tone. “You're confident, collaborative, and there's a sense that you both want to solve the problem in a way that everyone wins,” says Dr. Brandt. It is also important to listen and not make the conversation worse with accusations. “You're not just trying to get your way, but you're taking the other person's point of view. Acknowledging this person and their feelings does not mean you have to agree with them.”

Okay, everyone is passive-aggressive sometimes. But how to stop if you find that you have already started to behave this way?

1. Mindfulness, mindfulness, mindfulness,advises Brandt. By listening to yourself and your feelings, you can identify when your actions are inconsistent with your feelings and thoughts (this is how passive aggression begins), she says.

Making people aware that this behavior is also a form of self-sabotage means giving them a solution to the problem. “The fact that they didn't turn in a project on time or didn't get a promotion doesn't correlate with them engaging in passive-aggressive behavior,” Wetzler says. “They think, ‘Oh, my boss is tyrannical and unfair,’ but they don’t think that this could be related to their job.”

It is also important to understand that anger, which is the root of this behavior, is not an inherently negative emotion. "Anger has many positive qualities: It tells you something is wrong, can help you focus, evaluate your values ​​and goals, and strengthen your relationships and connections,” explains Brandt. So when you feel angry for some reason, don't be afraid to express your emotions and direct them towards those concerned (just use a positive-affirmative form of communication).

Confronting the fear of conflict can minimize passive aggression. According to Dr. Wetzler's observations, more often than not, trying to calm this behavior can lead to even greater conflict. “It’s good if the open conflict can be resolved. However, it will inevitably grow because of what was swept under the rug, because there was disagreement between the two sides in the first place, he explains. -You will have to bring your feelings to the surface and clarify the situation. Therefore, positive-affirmative communication, the desire to engage in confrontation and conflict, resolving them in a constructive manner, will require somewhat more effort.”

Ultimately, stopping passive-aggressive behavior requires figuring out what you want and getting rid of everything else. Some people are so aware of what other people think of them and expect of them that they simply go along with it, to their own detriment. “They do not think about what they themselves want, but only about what others want from them.”

So the solution is to listen to your own voice. "Get rid of external voices," Wetzler says. “Then you will understand which direction to move in.”

Passive-aggressive personalities

People with passive-aggressive personality disorder have the opposite style, which indicates their reluctance to receive recognition and support from people in authority.

Their main problem is the conflict between the desire to receive the benefits that the authorities and resource owners grant, and the desire to maintain their independence. Consequently, they try to maintain relationships by becoming passive and submissive, but when they feel they have lost their independence, they subvert authority.

These people may perceive themselves as self-sufficient but vulnerable to outside intrusion. However, they are drawn to strong people and organizations because they crave social approval and support.

The desire to “join in” often clashes with the fear of invasion and influence from others. However, they perceive others as intrusive, demanding, interfering, controlling and dominant. Passive-aggressive individuals are especially likely to think this way about people in positions of power. And at the same time, they are considered capable of acceptance, support and care.

The internal hidden beliefs of a passive-aggressive person are associated with the following ideas: “I cannot bear to be controlled by others,” “I must do things my own way,” “I deserve approval for everything I have done.”

Their conflicts are expressed in a clash of beliefs: “I need someone with power and authority to support me and take care of me” versus: “I must protect my independence and autonomy,” “If I adhere to other people’s rules, I lose freedom of action.” .

The behavior of such people is expressed in postponing actions that the authorities expect from them, or in superficial submission, but non-submission in essence. Typically, such a person resists the demands of others, both professionally and in personal relationships. But she does this in an indirect way: she procrastinates, gets offended, “forgets,” and complains that she is not understood or underestimated.

The main threat and fears are related to loss of approval and decrease in independence. Their strategy is to strengthen their independence through covert opposition to people in power, and at the same time through visible search their patronage.

Passive-aggressive individuals try to evade rules or circumvent them through covert defiance. They are often destructive, which takes the form of not completing work on time, not attending class, and similar behavior.

Despite this, at first glance, due to the need for approval, such people may try hard to appear obedient and accepting of authority. They are often passive and generally tend to take the path of least resistance, avoiding competitive situations and acting alone.

A typical emotion of passive-aggressive individuals is pent-up anger, which is associated with opposition to the rules established by authority. It is quite conscious and is replaced by anxiety in anticipation of repression and the threat of the cessation of power supply.

Passive-aggressive people are sensitive to anything that they perceive as a lack of respect or, in their opinion, an insufficient assessment of their personality. If you ask for something in a harsh manner or with a blank expression, they are likely to immediately become hostile.

However, put yourself in their shoes: how did you react the last time your boss dryly or harshly ordered you to do something? Even if you don't object to the nature of the order, you may be tempted to ignore the order because the boss's arrogant appearance and tone are irritating.

Passive-aggressive individuals often experience hidden anger, so being polite and friendly to them will make life a lot easier. And if your request or demand makes them uncomfortable, try to express your sympathy and understanding of the situation with a few friendly but respectful (not familiar!) phrases.

Compare two options for communicating with a waiter. First: “What kind of service?!” Can't it be faster?" Second: “I’m in a hurry! I see that the restaurant is busy and you have your hands full, but if you could serve me faster, I would be grateful.”

Of course, neither approach guarantees results. But by accepting the first one, you will likely provoke another passive-aggressive reaction. The waiter, even if he speeds up, will find an opportunity to “punish” you in another way: he will “forget” to bring cutlery or one of the dishes, he will “disappear” when you are about to pay, or he will seat a noisy group at the next table.

A passive-aggressive person more often expresses his aggressiveness indirectly, believing that this way there is much less risk. In some cases, this actually works and reinforces the chosen behavior. But if you can get such a person to openly express his dissatisfaction, this will allow him to discuss the problem and, possibly, find a mutually acceptable solution.

If this is a person with whom you will have to interact more than once, the tactic of ignoring his indirect aggression is not the most constructive or useful. Try not to pretend that you don't notice the dissatisfaction. If your significant other or coworker is sulking at you, you may be tempted to remain silent and not react until everything passes. But, alas, in most cases this does not go away on its own.

Don't forget that passive-aggressive behavior is almost always some kind of signal or call. If you don't perceive it, the passive-aggressive type is likely to turn up the wattage until you respond one way or another. Failure to achieve a goal often inflames such people. For example, a question can push such an interlocutor to relax or move into an open dialogue: “It seems to me that you are dissatisfied with something. Or am I wrong?

In dialogue, try not to criticize passive-aggressive people, giving them the image of parents lecturing. Otherwise, you will find yourself in a vicious circle of mutual vengeance.

Passive-Aggressive Personality Disorder People with passive-aggressive personality disorder have an opposite style, which indicates their reluctance to receive recognition and support from people in authority. The main problem is the conflict between

Chapter 15. Passive-aggressive personality disorder Diagnostic features The most characteristic feature of passive-aggressive personality disorder (PAPD) is resistance to external demands, which usually manifests itself in oppositional and obstructive behavior.

11 AGGRESSIVE CHARACTER TRAITS VANITY AND AMBITION As soon as the desire for self-affirmation takes over, it provokes an increase in mental stress. Accordingly, when power and superiority over others become increasingly important goals for an individual,

author Solovyova Maria Alexandrovna

Why are men so aggressive Testosterone is the hormone of success, achievement, competition and, in the wrong hands (testicles), can make a man or male animal very dangerous. Most parents are aware of boys' uncontrollable addiction to

From the book Who's in Sheep's Clothing? [How to recognize a manipulator] by Simon George

65. Aggressive victims Aggressive victims are usually divided into aggressive rapists (attack the harm-doer) and aggressive provocateurs (commit an act of aggression in another form - insult, slander, mockery). Aggressive rapists are: a) general type

From the book Difficult People. How to build good relationships with conflicting people by Helen McGrath

71. Aggressive rapists Among the victims of violent crimes that resulted in the murder of the victim or infliction of serious bodily harm on her, the aggressive type of victim leads by a wide margin, when the negative behavior of the victim served as the impetus for the crime.

From the book Difficult People [How to communicate with them?] author Kovpak Dmitry Viktorovich

72. Aggressive provocateurs Aggressive provocateurs usually include men in the age range of 30–50 years, who have a set of negative traits (primitive interests and needs, overestimation of their own intelligence, disdain for the criminal, rudeness, quarrelsomeness,

From the author's book

Covert-aggressive actions and covert-aggressive personality type Many of us take certain covert-aggressive actions from time to time, but this does not make us covert-aggressive personalities or manipulators. A person's personality can be defined as

From the author's book

How to recognize aggressive plans If you understand how fundamental a person’s desire is to fight for what he wants, and learn more about those insidious and unnoticed methods of behind-the-scenes fighting that can be used and are used every day

From the author's book

Differences between a hidden-aggressive personality and a passive-aggressive and other types. Just as passivity and hidden aggression are very different styles behavior, passive-aggressive and covert-aggressive personalities are strikingly different from each other. Millon

From the author's book

Typical Traits of a Passive-Aggressive Personality People who are characterized by a passive-aggressive behavior pattern experience the same negative feelings as everyone else, but do not try to understand them or openly express their dissatisfaction. Instead, they choose tactics

From the author's book

Passive-aggressive personality disorder according to the DSM-IV classification To diagnose a person with this disorder, it is necessary to identify at least four of the following in his behavior:

From the author's book

How passive-aggressive individuals usually behave: They spread rumors, spread information that discredits other people, but they do it on the sly. They disrupt important assignments due to supposed forgetfulness, and then apologize, but at the same time it is clearly visible that they did not

From the author's book

How Passive-Aggressive Personalities Think They act from the principle “I must resist all attempts to control or influence my behavior, even if people have the right to do so. People around me don't value me, so I will fulfill their requests and

From the author's book

Passive-Aggressive Personalities People with passive-aggressive personality disorder have an opposite style, which indicates their reluctance to receive recognition and support from people in authority. Their main problem is the conflict between

Iago (right) from Shakespeare's Othello is a prime example of a passive aggressor.

Aggression, causing harm to another living being, has long been a useful form of behavior aimed at survival, for hunting, self-defense and competition. Aggression can be divided into two types - active and passive. Active aggression is straightforward, it is the prerogative of either the strong or the desperate. This is a double-edged weapon - by showing active aggression, you put yourself at risk, take responsibility, and identify yourself as an aggressor. Direct aggression is not necessarily associated with cruelty. For example, the phrase “Let’s leave the formalities and get straight to the point” carries the features of active aggression. Achieving difficult goals is always associated with aggressiveness. You can aggressively gnaw on the granite of science, write books, sell goods, look after girls. In a broad sense, aggressiveness is any forcing of straightforwardness.

Aggressive people, as capable of causing harm, are respected and feared. It is better to have a good relationship with them. But what about those of us who are not strong enough to respond with direct aggression? If you are weak and at the same time show direct aggression, you can be eaten. In primitive society, sometimes literally. Therefore, another form of aggression emerged - passive. This is aggression without aggression, in this case you trigger a self-aggression reaction in another individual or set one against another.

Passive aggression is non-linear, indirect, and, as a rule, it is the provision of certain information, which, in turn, causes harm. A passive aggressor puts pressure on emotions that cause unpleasant feelings - shame, guilt, fear, irritation, confusion, fear of loneliness, a feeling of stupidity, affects individual psychological complexes, and so on. Since this form of aggression is indirect, the aggressor “washes his hands” and avoids responsibility. He has nothing to do with it all the time. An experienced passive aggressor always balances on the edge where passive aggression provokes an active response. Women, as representatives, have mastered passive aggression to perfection. But they have their own, special cuisine that deserves analysis. What is stated here applies primarily to men.

In the world of men, individuals of low rank are prone to passive aggression. The lower in rank, the more passive aggression. It is one of the key signs of omega. He doesn’t have much of a choice; the road to active aggression is closed for omegas due to their weakness in the broad sense of the word (mental, physical, etc.). Considering, it is not difficult to guess that I am against the passive form, as such, both on the part of others and on my own. Aggression must be translated into its active form. Passive aggressors - like sources of radiation - slowly kill themselves and those around them, poisoning life with emanations of anger and contempt. They feel good when others feel bad. I have already described many of the antics of passive aggressors earlier, because passive aggression and low-ranking are almost inseparable concepts.

I recognize passive aggressors well, but they do not have much impact on me. The secret is simple - I do contact sports at a fairly hardcore level, I have already become acquainted with the most direct aggression and have learned to cope with it. Everything is learned by comparison, and all this passive fuss of omegas seems to me ridiculous, toy-like and meaningless. Only a slight irritation arises towards the “aggressor” in the sense that, supposedly, some mongrel dared to trample and get underfoot. All these false moralists, trolls, highly cultured boorish people do not deserve attention by definition. Their personal tragedy is that their beliefs mean nothing, they are just a screen for passive aggression. Omegas must vegetate in the darkness of oblivion, such is their fate.

This is how I see passive aggressors. Little angry dog.

In the phrase “passive aggressor” what is important to me is not the word “aggressor” (we swam, we know), but the word “passive”. Aggressively passive, angry sofa potato, what could be worse? Male passivity for me is a kind of stigma, a label of a narrow-minded and weak person. The weak refuses to act, and therefore gives up hope. You can't correct mistakes you didn't make, you can't find the truth if you don't even try, but only rant angrily and cling to strangers under flimsy pretexts. Passive aggressors are a failure on the strength, intellectual and moral levels.

An inquisitive reader may ask the question: is it possible without aggression at all? In my opinion, it is possible, but it is very risky. Pure, unadulterated altruists have one big problem. They don’t know how to defend themselves or fight back. This is a weak point that aggressors immediately take advantage of. Game theory shows that a society in which all players are altruistic is quickly suppressed and dominated by a few selfish aggressors. Models show that the strategy in which you are a “retaliator” - that is, you behave peacefully, but turn into an aggressor at the moment when aggression is directed at you - is close to optimal. We should not forget that aggression in a figurative sense means only active life position, which is never superfluous. Especially in Russia, it is important to be aggressive actively, and not passively; here, IMHO, it’s the same way.

Be active, don't let yourself and others down.

Character. Meanwhile, it has a number of distinctive features. Let's look further at how passive aggression manifests itself.

General information

The passive-aggressive personality type is characterized by pronounced resistance to external demands. As a rule, this is evidenced by obstructive and oppositional actions. The passive-aggressive type of behavior is expressed in procrastination, poor quality of work, and “forgetting” obligations. Often do not meet generally accepted standards. Moreover, the passive-aggressive personality resists the need to follow norms. Of course, these characteristics can be observed in other people. But with passive aggression, they become a model of behavior, a pattern. Despite the fact that this form of interaction is considered not the best, it is not too dysfunctional, as long as it does not become a pattern of life that prevents the achievement of goals.

Passive-aggressive person: features

People in this category try not to be assertive. They believe that direct confrontation is dangerous. By conducting a personality type test, you can identify characteristic features behavior. In particular, people in this category consider confrontation to be one of the ways for outsiders to interfere and control their affairs. When such a person is approached with a request that he does not want to fulfill, a combination of resentment of existing external demands and lack of self-confidence causes a reaction in a provocative manner. Passive-aggressive communication does not create the possibility of refusal. People in this category are also outraged by obligations at school or at work. In general, they view those in positions of power as prone to injustice and arbitrariness. Accordingly, as a rule, they blame others for their problems. Such people cannot understand that they create difficulties by their own behavior. Researchers note that, among other things, a passive-aggressive person is easily susceptible to mood swings and tends to perceive what is happening pessimistically. Such people focus on everything negative.

Personality type test

Total pattern of resistance to standards in professional and social spheres occurs in early adulthood. It is expressed in different contexts. A number of signs indicate passive aggression. Human:

Historical background

The passive-aggressive style of behavior has been described for a long time. However, this concept was not used before World War II. In 1945, the War Department described the "immature reaction" as a response to "conventional military stressful situation"It manifested itself in inadequacy or helplessness, passivity, outbursts of aggression, obstructionism. In 1949, a US Army technical bulletin used this term to describe soldiers who exhibited this pattern.

Classification

The DSM-I divided reactions into three categories: passive-aggressive, passive-dependent, and aggressive. The second was characterized by helplessness, a tendency to cling to those around them, and indecision. The first and third categories differed in people's reactions to frustration (the inability to satisfy any need). The aggressive type, which in a number of aspects has signs of antisocial, shows irritation. His behavior is destructive. A passive-aggressive person makes a dissatisfied face, becomes stubborn, begins to slow down his work, and reduce its effectiveness. The DSM-II places this behavior in its own category. At the same time, aggressive and passive-dependent types are included in the group of “other disorders”.

Clinical and experimental data

Although the passive-aggressive style of behavior remains poorly understood today, at least two studies have outlined its key characteristics. So, Koening, Trossman and Whitman studied 400 patients. They found that the most common diagnosis was passive-aggressive. At the same time, 23% showed signs of the dependent category. 19% of patients fully corresponded to the passive-aggressive type. In addition, researchers have found that PARL is observed in women half as often as in men. The traditional symptom picture included anxiety and depression (41% and 25%, respectively). In passive-aggressive and dependent types, open indignation was suppressed by fear of punishment or feelings of guilt. Research was also conducted by Moore, Alig and Smoly. They studied 100 patients diagnosed with passive-aggressive disorder after 7 and 15 years of inpatient treatment. Scientists have found that problems in social behavior and interpersonal relationships, together with somatic and emotional complaints, were the main symptoms. The researchers also found that a significant proportion of patients suffered from depression and abused alcohol.

Automatic thoughts

The conclusions that a person with PPD makes reflect his negativism, isolation and desire to choose the path of least resistance. For example, any requests are considered as a manifestation of demands and importunity. A person's reaction is to automatically resist instead of analyzing his desire. The patient is characterized by the belief that others are trying to use him, and if he allows this, he will become a nonentity. This form of negativism extends to all thinking. The patient seeks a negative interpretation of most events. This applies even to positive and neutral phenomena. This manifestation distinguishes a passive-aggressive person from a depressed patient. In the latter case, people focus on self-judgment or negative thoughts about the future, the environment. The passive-aggressive individual believes that others are trying to exert control over them without appreciating them. If a person receives in response negative reaction, then he assumes that he has been misunderstood again. Automatic thoughts indicate irritation that appears in patients. They quite often insist that everything must go according to a certain pattern. Such unreasonable demands contribute to a decrease in resistance to frustration.

Typical Installations

The behavior of patients with PPD expresses their cognitive patterns. Delay, low quality work is driven by indignation at the need to perform duties. A person is determined that he has to do what he does not want. The attitude towards procrastination is to follow the path of minimal resistance. For example, a person begins to believe that the matter can be postponed until later. When faced with the adverse consequences of not fulfilling his duties, he expresses dissatisfaction with those around him who have power. It may manifest itself in an outburst of anger, but is more likely to be used passive methods revenge. For example, sabotage. In psychotherapy, behavior may be accompanied by refusal to cooperate in treatment.

Emotions

For patients with PAPD, irritation will be common and is understandable because people feel they are being held to arbitrary standards, undervalued, or misunderstood. Patients often fail to achieve their goals in the professional sphere, as well as in personal life. They are unable to understand how their behavior and attitudes influence the difficulties they experience. This leads to further irritation and dissatisfaction as they again believe that circumstances are to blame. Patients' emotions to a greater extent are determined by their vulnerability to external control and the interpretation of requests as a desire to limit their freedom. When interacting with others, they constantly expect demands to be made and, accordingly, resist.

Prerequisites for therapy

The main reason patients seek help is complaints from others that these people do not live up to expectations. As a rule, co-workers or spouses turn to psychotherapists. The latter's complaints are related to patients' reluctance to provide assistance with household chores. Bosses often turn to psychotherapists when they are dissatisfied with the quality of work performed by their subordinates. Another reason to visit a doctor is depression. The development of this condition is caused by a chronic lack of encouragement both in the professional sphere and in personal life. For example, following the path of minimal resistance and constant dissatisfaction with requirements can cause a person to believe that nothing is working out for him.

Viewing the environment as a source of control also leads to the formation of a negative attitude towards the world as a whole. If circumstances arise in which patients of the passive-aggressive type, who strive for independence and value freedom of action, begin to believe that others are interfering in their affairs, they may develop a severe form of depression.